Who Am I To Endorse Anything?

Now maybe we can’t all open a Leadership Academy for Girls, like "Mama Oprah" did, but there are definitely ways for the iPod generation to practice philanthropy. (And donating a dollar to your favorite chorus boy/girl during Broadway Cares donation time doesn’t suffice.) I know, I know…in the age of student loans, credit card debt, ridiculous apartment rental costs, and daily trips to Starbucks for $4 coffee, who has money to spare? But honestly folks…even if you’re sharing a tiny studio in Astoria, there are still ways to give back. Donate $10 to your favorite organization. Honestly…it will make a difference. (Just ask Sally Struthers!) Don’t have a nickel to spare? Go on Craig’s List and offer to teach tap to a little old lady. Or maybe you can offer to teach an acting workshop to a group of inner-city teens. (Yes, you AND Hilary Swank can make a difference) Don’t believe me? Check out the documentary "Mad Hot Ballroom" to see how exposure to the arts can literally change lives.

This holiday season, I had the pleasure of performing in "Oliver!" at the Fulton Theatre in Lancaster, PA. Working with a group of 17 youngsters really got me thinking about giving back. Think about when you were a young (read "awkward") kid, who was made to feel that theatre/dancing/acting, etc. was totally uncool. But then you took a class, or saw a show, or performed in a show, and encountered someone older than you, who was a working professional. For you performers out there, I firmly believe that it is our duty to cultivate, encourage, and even train the future artists in our respective fields. Sure, who wants to help the next generation who will come in and take OUR jobs when we’re all old, and auditioning for the NEXT revival of "Grease" in 2018? I do. Because one day, when I’m a director, a choreographer, a theatre manager, or just a gay, old theatergoer, I want to see the highest level of talent and highest possible respect for the arts.

Check out Americans for the Arts if you want more information about how art can change a kid’s life. Granted, 17 privileged white kids in Lancaster, PA may not have been saved from the streets each night by singing "Food, Glorious Food!", but I did see each of my young cast mates transformed by the power of theatre. Oprah and Bono have their amazing "red" campaign to aide AIDS in Africa. Well, Americans for the Arts has a great campaign called "Art. Ask for More." As in "Please sir, we want some more…art, that is." (See the photo above if you still don’t get it.) That’s where I’ve been donating lately (…not just at the sperm bank.) It’s time that we demand more funding from the arts from the rich-ass Americans who frequent the ballet, opera, theatre, etc. But more importantly, it’s time to start electing officials who increase funding to arts education and regional theatre, dance, music, etc. With the Democrats in charge, who knows what might happen? I’m hoping that Hilary (Clinton, not Swank this time) puts forth a bill to open Equity productions of "Spring Awakening" in all 50 states. Now THAT would change some lives.

I just got back from an audition, where the choreographer kept 5 out of the 60 dancers in the room. Before making the cut, the casting director gave his usual speech about looking for a certain “type” and that the cut has no indication of talent, blah, blah, blah. Dancers are some of the most beautiful, creative, fun, and loving people I have ever met. Many of the friends and acquaintances that I have made in NYC are guys who I see at auditions every few weeks. I am happy to celebrate with these friends when they get work; I gladly grab a beer and mope with them when they don’t get the job. But lately, I’ve been doing way more of the latter.

NYC is where you come if you want to make it as a performer…that’s a given. But often, unless a performer is on Broadway, most dancers are actually moving to NYC to end up taking jobs on the road, or at one of our country’s regional theatres. As more and more dancers get off that Trailways bus at Port Authority, the talent pool becomes larger. Thanks to evolution (Darwin was SO on his game), dancers are getting better and better. Take a look at the dancing in the terrific “A Chorus Line” revival on Broadway and you’ll see how the standard has been raised for young dancers on Broadway. But with all of the talented, athletic, and beautiful performers whom I am privileged to know, less and less are getting work. In today’s Broadway landscape, shows are designed to run for years. Back in the 50’s and 60s, even hit shows like “My Fair Lady” only played for a few years. Today, even a terrible show can run for 5, 10, 15, or 20 years. But here’s the scary part, because of union rules, a performer can stay in a show for as long as it runs (and as long as they use their anti-wrinkle cream.) As shows run longer, and the cost of living in NYC increases - forcing dancers to stay in their shows, there is less room in the "I’m a Working Dancer on Broadway" club.

While watching the fantastic “A Chorus Line” revival last week, I found myself giggling when the dancers onstage complained that producers aren’t doing “big musicals like they used to” and that any show is “going to close someday.” Oh, contraire, my friends. That was the case in 1975, when Times Square was better known for its drugs and drag queens. But now that midtown Manhattan has become “Disney Times Square”, shows are being created to run forever. (Thanks “Cats.”) Some friends who are cast in long running Broadway shows feel like they’re going to work for a corporation like Wal-Mart or Target: dancers can spend years going from company to company of the same show. And then when they get too old to actually BE in the show, they can make money setting the choreography in high school productions of “Wicked” or “Beauty and the Beast” in 2018.

I’m really not trying to complain. In fact, I don’t see any solution to the lack of work on Broadway in the near future. I just want people to recognize that the plight of dancers today is far more complicated than what’s onstage at the Schoenfeld Theatre. When I watched “A Chorus Line” last week, I was blown away by how much I related to the stories onstage. But getting cast on Broadway today is a far cry from an an out-of-work dancer in red obsessed with mirrors, or a mopey Puerto Rican musing about his sexuality. Watching my talented and deserving friends in “A Chorus Line” put a huge smile on my face. But after the show, as they rushed off to grab dinner and cash their check for $1,450, I ran home to practice a monologue about a mermaid, a crab, and a yellow fish for some new, unheard of musical that I’m sure will run for years. Gotta keep trying, right?

I’m a fan of NBC’s new drama "Friday Night Lights." I’m no 10 dollar tarot card reader, but I think this show is going to be a big hit. I’d never seen the movie that "Friday Night Lights" is based upon, but it doesn’t matter. All you have to be is American to appreciate the latest entry into the shaky-camera-hour-long-drama competition.

Our country is obsessed with football…that’s a given. I come from one of those families that equates being thankful in November and the birth of Christ in December with one thing: watching football. I don’t mind, because I realize that this is the norm in the good ole’ U. S. of A. (In fact, this Christmas I plan on watching all of the football games that my cousins watch, instead of going into the other room to text friends back in NYC.) "Friday Night Lights" shows the extreme pressure put on a group of high school athletes, be it from coaches, teammates, local politicians, or slutty girlfriends. Any performer can relate to the pressure put upon an athlete to win a game - so often we put pressure on ourselves to book the gig! In the first episode, the team’s new coach rallies the boys for a win, saying "Clear eyes, full hearts can’t loose" and "You’ve earned this…the right to win." Those two lines could easily be added into the revival of "A Chorus Line" or spoken by any theatrical agent to their client. Artists and athletes need to remember how alike we really are. Go Panthers!

Another NBC shaky-camera-hour-long-drama that I am obsessed with is "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip," from "The West Wing"’s Aaron Sorkin. WARNING: Do no drink alcohol before watching this show! The fast paced, witty dialog makes it hard to focus when under the influence. Thank God for DVR! "Studio 60" explores the backstage drama of the writers and artists involved in a "SNL" type show that airs Friday nights on NBS (read NBC). Aaron Sorkin has infused his ability to comment on pressing political issues into a show about the entertainment industry…brilliant.

Take a look at the fake show-within-a-show website for "Studio 60". I think it’s very smart of NBC to launch two shows about a "SNL" type broadcast (the comedy "30 Rock" premiers Wednesday, Oct. 11th).  Hopefully "Studio 60" and "30 Rock" will remind viewers about the novelty of a live show such as "SNL." There was a time in our country when many variety shows and soap operas were actually filmed live. Spoooooky, right? Takes a top-notch comedian to make live tv work…hopefully the gang at "SNL" will prove me right this season. I mean, I must hear Maya Rudolph sing the "Gays in Space" theme with an NBC, I mean Congressional, Page standing behind her.

(Former) Congressman Mark Foley hasn’t been seen publicly since his resignation on Friday, over his sexually explicit internet contacts with underage, male Congressional Pages. Four other Republican members of Congress caught wind of the emails, but did nothing. (Surely Foley’s secretary was forwarding those emails to all of her girlfriends, as well as all the gossipy Republican guys who work in Washington - they’re a small, loud group!) Foley contacted the 16 y/o Page via AOL Instant Messenger, from the screenname ‘Maf54′. Hmmm…he used his initials and his age at the time he set up the account - very smart. What’s worse than his lame screenname? Foley had even set up his own MySpace account. Come on man, Clinton wouldn’t have even done that, bro! Below is a statement from Foley’s lawyers, who spoke for the ex-Congressman while he hides. (I know where to find him….check those AOLKids chat rooms, y’all.)

“I strongly believe that I am an alcoholic [i.e. homosexual] and have accepted the need for immediate treatment for alcoholism [i. e. homosexuality] and related behavioral [i.e. sex with young men] problems.” – Mark Foley

Republicans were satisfied with Foley’s excuse…"I’m a drunk. After a few drinks, don’t you sign onto AOL to strike up some chat with 16 y/o hotties from the Capitol building?!" Democrats, on the other hand, are using this incident to show how the Republicans are trying to overt yet another investigation into corruption on Capitol Hill. I agree that the Congressmen who caught wind of the situation before the story broke should be held accountable. But this has happened in both parties since the beginning of Congress. People are gay - get over it. I’m sure before the Internet, Congressmen had their assistants traveling by horseback to send discreet love notes to colonial hotties. My solution? Give every Congressional Page a copy of Jim McGreevey’s book "The Confession", and ask if they identify with the gay ex-Governor’s tale. If so, transfer the Page to an internship at the Kennedy Center, or someplace gay like that.

The hottest ticket in NYC isn’t a too-soon revival of a blockbuster musical from the 70s or the 80s…it’s an 83 year-old woman, performing in the hotel where she lives. No, Elaine Stritch isn’t inviting people into her hotel room. Instead, she’s making the trip down a couple flights from her room at the Carlyle Hotel to bring us her latest cabaret, "Elaine Stritch: Back Home at the Carlyle." To understand how intimate this cabaret experience is, you have to set up a table for two, and put a tiny stage (2X5….if that) directly next to your table. Being able to smell an actress as she gives it her all is something everyone needs to experience at least once. Sitting so close to this legend, I was reminded why actresses shouldn’t get botox and cut their faces apart - she has earned every one of those amazing wrinkles. And, with age, her stunning blues eyes tell a story of their own. I’m so glad that I can say that in my lifetime, Elaine Stritch sang "The Ladies Who Lunch" two feet away from me, as I drank my own vodka tonic.

Stritch is the last of Broadway’s classy broads. Her latest cabaret muses on embracing life for its fullest, and living in the moment. Not sure about you, but seeing an 83 year-old women sing the theme song to "The Sopranos" is inspiration enough to get off my ass, stop writing this blog, and take a class…or something. Stritch’s song interpretations are class enough. I don’t care what you have to pawn to afford tickets to this show…go! (Every female in musical theatre should be required to watch Elaine sing "Ladies Who Lunch", especially those girls who think that Eva and Felicity played the first desperate housewives.)

Stritch explained that she was suffering from laryngitis. (Note…Elaine Stritch sounds the same with or without laryngitis.) She started the show by saying "I’ll give you my best, if you give me yours." Like I said…classy, classy broad. Elaine proved that she’s still "with it", explaining the things she likes (and loathes) about living in NYC in 2006. She joked that everyone in NYC thinks they’re a celebrity, all rushing to go somewhere. Instead of stopping to fully complement Ms. Stritch on her talent, she told stories of hurried pedestrians who stop, and blurt out one-word adjectives in her face, before moving on to their own lives: "Phenomenal", "Best", "Ugh!". As her show ended, she reached out and shook my hand, probably because of my intense focus and reaction throughout her performance. All I could say? "Amazing."

Since there aren’t any clips on youtube of Elaine Stritch’s intimate performance at The Carlyle, I thought it would be fun to show you the OPPOSITE of everything that Ms. Stritch stands for. Take 5 minutes and watch the following interviews/clips of Ashlee (f-u-c-k-i-n-g) Simpson in "Chicago" in London: Clip One, Clip Two. I will let the clips speak for themselves. I’m just shocked that they didn’t take out the lyric about everyone recognizing Roxie’s nose, since Ashleigh is almost unrecognizable since she got an extreme nose job and stopped eating food. Finally, Ashlee refers to "Chicago" as "a Broadway." Clearly, Stritch’s story was dead on - Ashlee is too hurried (and obsessed with her own celebrity) to call "Chicago" by its proper name: a Broadway musical.

An attorney for the Big O has asked a Kansas City businessman to stop using her name and image to promote a campaign urging her to run for President. Patrick H. Crowe has been trying to get Opie to run for some time now. He wrote a book about his efforts and printed bumper stickers and T-shirts. ( I STILL haven’t received my "Oprah for Prez" bandana that he promised if I would blog about this crap.) Crowe has lost about $65,000 so far because he ends up giving most of the items away, and said he doesn’t intend to stop. But Crowe recently received a letter from Oprah’s lawyer telling him to stop using her name and image in the "Oprah for President" campaign.

Crowe admits Oprah’s campaign started as a joke. But then some started taking him seriously. (Uh…me for instance.) Crowe drives a 1959 Ford campaign convertible, which is complete with personalized plates. (Another reason I need a car in NYC…so I can get ‘OPRAHMC" on my license plate!) Crowe said he thought Winfrey would be flattered with the book he wrote titled "Run Oprah Run" and he’s hoping that Winfrey will reconsider a run for the presidency. While I agree that Oprah (and Vice President Gayle) would run the hell out of this country, I’m kind of nervous about what would happen if Oprah lets her interior design guru Nate Burkus redesign the White House, OK?

While I’m all for (grown-ass white men) using the power of the internet to promote candidates, I do think that creating a website urging someone to run for office is a whole different story. Although…I think I’m going to start a website called "Run Rosie, Run."

While I’m rambling about the presidency, I have to give my two cents about good ole B.J.B.C. On Sept. 22nd, Clinton agreed to give an interview with Fox News’ Chris Wallace.  This interview has been discussed on every political talk show this week, but seeing as how some people (on the "Wicked" tour) get their news from my lame-ass website, I felt it was my duty to inform the public. Matthews asked Clinton "Why didn’t you do more to put Bin Laden and Al Qaeda out of business when you were President?" Ooooh…snap, boo! No he diiiiiiiiiidn’t! Clinton’s response: "You did Fox’s bidding on this show. You did your nice little conservative hit job on me….You’ve got that little smirk on your face and you think you’re soooo clever. That’s just a bunch of BULL!"

Clinton then proceded to tell Wallace how the Bush regime had 8 months to deal with the terror threats from Al Qaeda and did nothing about it. Suffice to say, Democrats were all over TV this week, using Clinton’s tv fit to show how they’re not scared to fight, and more importantly, how Bush hasn’t done much on terror, which is the main platform the Republicans will be using in ‘08. Hmmm….get ready for more abortion and gay marriage debates - Republicans will need something else to rally behind. Oprah’s platform for ‘08? BOOTILICIOUS!

OK, so I haven’t blogged in a while, because I’ve been busy watching all the new shows and season premieres. There is some good stuff on TV, people! As much as I love me some reality TV (who WILL be America’s Next Top Model?), I’m thrilled with the exciting dramas on the airwaves. Well, mainly…on the cable lines. Even with funny new stuff like "The Class" or addicting new 1-hr shows like "Kidnapped" and "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip", the best "new" show is an HBO drama that is in its 4th season. According to EWeekly, tis the "best show on television."

If you don’t have HBO, add it to your basic cable already. Just don’t but any bread or cereal for a week - there’s your HBO bill. (And you’ll cut out carbs too. Are people still doing that?) Hopefully you have HBO, or are dating (using) someone cute for their HBO, because it’s time to tune into "The Wire." This drama is shot in Baltimore, and depicts the (fictitious?) corruption in BMore’s government. "The Wire" shows you every aspect of the city and how the various sectors influence each other. A group of middle-school-aged drug dealers, a white politician running for Governor, cops trying to crack down on drug trade, teachers trying to change lives, and a secretary who blows the Governor. I mean, they’ve covered it all. My favorite thing about "The Wire" is the believability factor. Where did they find these kids?! They are SO believable. WARNING: if you’re someone who hates Maryland regional accents, I would say prepare to cringe. I, on the other hand, love local Maryland actors playing teachers and cops…so believable. Check it out. Watch it On Demand already!

For Oprah’s season opener yesterday, Oprah and best-friend (and possible lover) Gayle drove from LA to NYC, to attend the Tony Awards. “Oprah and Gayle’s Big Adventure” was Oprah’s attempt at reality tv. Not sure if Oprah did this to show that she cares about middle America, or just to prove that she can drive. Oprah says she did the trip because of seeing a “See the USA in a Chevrolet” commercial when she was a girl. Really? Was that it? Or was it was it the corporate tie in with Chevrolet and the ugly-ass red Chevrolet you drove across the country? Come on now O, we all know you would be driving a Lexus, girl. My favorite quotes from this episode are when Oprah explained that “I have never driven this [road] before. It’s very different when you’re BEING driven. You have to keep you eyes on the ROAD I see.” And “I’m NOT speeding to catch up with two brothers in a BMW…My God.” Finally, my favorite: “You know the last time I pumped gas? 1983…Baltimore.” Here’s to Season 21!

Finally, "The Megan Mullally Show" show was the best of yesterday’s talk show debuts. She is picking up right where Rosie left off. In fact, she basically stole Rosie’s old show. Her opening monologue was a “Hair” medley production number, with her own gospel chorus. Although it was lame, it was leaps and bounds above Ellen’s musical, all-sung episode last year. For her first guest, Will Ferrell came out in a pair of blue underwear…guess back fat is funny. The only problem is I’m not sure people will buy Megan as herself. Check out this clip of Megan (NOT Karen) singing “I’ll Be Seeing You” at a recent master class. Can u imagine Megan singing a dramatic song to commemorate 9/11 or a comedic number for the holidays? If she keeps getting good guests, her show could be a modern day, old-school variety hour. But had she consulted me, I would have told Megan to do her entire hour drunk, as "Karen." Now THAT would have drawn some Oprah-sized ratings.

Yesterday, a politically-astute friend sent me a text message suggesting that we see "US vs. JL." I was thrilled to find out that I wouldn’t be seeing a wrestling match between Uncle Sam and Jerry Lewis, but an amazing documentary called "The U.S. vs. John Lennon." This film, from the same docu-drama geniuses behind "Fahrenheit 9/11", depicts the simplicity, humor, and brilliance behind John Lennon’s protest of the War in Vietnam. The film features great interviews with various activists, journalists, and politicians who explain how the government tried to suppress any dissent (specifically John Lennon) during Nixon’s presidency. Sound familiar??? Exactly. It’s ridiculous to me that the youth of America isn’t protesting in droves at this moment. Granted, we have no draft in 2006, but we all still have a conscious. Seeing "The U.S. vs. John Lennon" really put the Iraq mess into perspective. What have you done to oppose the war? Check out this flick and host your own "bed in." The iPod generation needs to pick up where our parents left off. Time to start a revolution kiddos!

Lennon’s music that he created in response to the war inspired millions. If you don’t make it to see this film, take another listen to "War is Over" and "Give Peace a Chance." I promise, they will get you ready to take on 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. I am continually shocked with the lack of artists (mainly musicians) who are taking a stand against the war. John Mayer’s new CD, "Continuum" has been streaming from my iTunes this week. His mellow anti-war sentiment on "Continuum" may not inspire hippies to gather in Central Park, but it’s a start. Check it out.

If you’re someone who actually still reads books, take a look at "The Decency Wars: The Campaign to Cleanse American Culture" by Frederick S. Lane. A First Amendment specialist, Lane examines the government’s desire to regulate morality. He gives the history of the decency/culture wars, from the invention of the camera through battles against pornography on the internet. This book shows how the Religious Right (read conservative religious fanatics) use decency to gain influence, as well as political ground. Suffice to say, I loved this book, particularly the chapters on how the Janet Jackson Superbowl "wardrobe malfunction" has influenced decency standards in our culture today. If you’re interested in the history of how politics and pop culture intersect to influence what we’re allowed to see and hear, I would highly recommend the read. I’m sure Yoko’s read the book already…I sent her a copy, along with a request to refund my money from last year’s mess-of-a John Lennon musical. JL Musical: Bad;    JL Documentary : Good.

It’s official, Ashlee Simpson is going to play ‘Roxie’ in the London company of "Chicago." (Surely, she’s taking the Brooke Shields route of learn the show in NYC, open in London, and play the role on BWay if the reviews in the UK are half decent.) It will be interesting to hear Ashlee sing live, without being able to lay tracks upon tracks of her own voice, like on her busted debut album. Hopefully Ashlee will pull it off, since she will bring the "Sweet Sixteen" MTV demo to Broadway in droves. She looks a lot like older sister, Jessica, in the press pic to the left. Surely dying your hair blonde, and getting a nose job and killer tan, weren’t moves to make her look more distinct.

Another singer/actor/sex symbol, Usher, is currently making his Broadway debut in "Chicago." Today, Usher went on "Live with Regis and Kelly" to promote his stint (till Oct. 1st) as ‘Billy Flynn.’ (Say what you want about the producers of "Chicago" but they have used celebrities (talented and otherwise) to keep Chicago running since 1996.)  I haven’t seen Usher in "Chicago" but need to go soon. I hear the audiences turning out to see Usher are celebs and Usher fans who really get into the show. Not a bad thing for Broadway.

Along with guest co-host Wilmer Valderama (who was wearing a tight-fitting suit that looks like it was hand-sewn for a midget. Um…where can I get one? Seriously), Kelly Rippa asked Usher all the typical questions that they ask celebrities who step into long-running shows. i.e. "How long did u rehearse?", "Is it hard" and "Are they looking for anyone for when I’m done filming my sitcom this Spring?" How long can it be until Ms. Rippa herself steps into "Chicago"? Judging from Kelly talking about breath control during the song "Both Reached for the Gun," sounds like Kelly has been researching vocal coaches.

 

As part of "Guinness World Record Week", Kelly and Regis/Wilmer had a mousy Asian girl do pirouettes wearing only one tap shoe to break the world record for most consecutive pirouettes. WHAT?! Maybe tap IS coming back, one shoe at a time.